12273821_10153676219604694_261295062143047217_oThis holiday is very emotional for me. Beyond the BS history of the holiday, I have a serious personal vendetta against Thanksgiving. Five years ago on Thanksgiving in 2010 I almost died. I had multiple pulmonary embolisms caused by my, at that time undiagnosed, Lupus. I was in the hospital for almost a week with tubes connected everywhere, meds pumping through my veins and no idea of exactly what was wrong with me. It was the scariest time in my life, until yesterday.

Yesterday my dad had a heart attack. I had woken up in the morning feeling footloose and fancy free. It has been a really good year for me. I had been reflecting on how incredibly blessed I have been since the moment I decided to change my life eight years ago this month. I was thinking that I am the poster child for not letting bad decisions keep hold of you forever. I am proof positive that you can step out of a life that is strangling you into a life that is loving you. I am the spokesperson for those of us who have been successful in leaving behind those people who are not good people. I was feeling all of this when the phone rang.

My father, who I just posted about this week, was en route to the hospital following a possible heart attack. My sister didn’t know anything more because it had just happened. I was driving on 880 when I got the news and I just burst out crying right there in traffic. I pulled over to the side of the road to gather myself before heading home. As I was driving I realized I was scared. I was experiencing a fear I had not felt before in my whole life, the fear of losing a parent. It gripped me around my soul so hard it felt like I was suffocating. The depth and breadth of the emotions I went through yesterday were intense.

Fast forward almost 24 hours my father is doing well, he is out of immediate danger and being released today, to see his regular doctor tomorrow. He will have to get a valve replacement in the upcoming weeks, but all his vital signs are looking hella good. So it is the best prognosis you can have if you have had a heart attack and have to get surgery. I am scared about the surgery, I can’t lie but I am also grateful. I am grateful that he is alive. I am grateful my mom was there when it happened. I am grateful she wasted no time calling 911. My mother is a BEAST when it comes to her family so best believe she was on everyone’s case from the moment the EMTs got there. My parents have been married 46 years and they were high school sweethearts before that. They have known each other a long, long time. I can’t even imagine the bond they share with each other. So I am exceptionally grateful that my mom still has her husband.

Finally I want thank all of you who put prayers up for my father and me yesterday. I don’t usually ask for prayers that publicly so it meant a lot to me that you did. Thank you.

Although I don’t believe in Thanksgiving, I do believe in giving thanks.